Everytime I have experienced a complete breakdown (be it physical, mental, or both), this has been my experience. It can be very difficult to cope with losing these “friends,” on top of the crisis you’re already dealing with. I’ve often struggled with feeling abandoned and used. There are always plenty of people surrounding me when I experience wins, but there are far, far, few who stick around to see me through the failures.
Unfortunately, there will always be friends, that for one reason or another, disappear when you’re most in need of them. Some are only in your life when they need you and can get something from you. If you have nothing to offer them, they are noticeably absent.
Others I think, just don’t know how to handle the situation so they retreat. Maybe they don’t know what to do or say, maybe they find you dealing with your pain a threat to themselves (perhaps they haven’t ever looked or dealt with their own pain), who the fuck knows. Whatever it is, they sure as fuck aren’t around to help.
The good news is that, hopefully, there will be some people who stay by your side. People who are able to accept and love you in any state, who simply enjoy the being you are and want you in their life. They are probably people who have the ability and/or support system to “fill” themselves, so they don’t need or expect others to do the work for them.
If you are experiencing this loss of friendship, my heart is with you. Humans are strange creatures and even people who truly love and care for you are fallible and likely to disappoint you in some way. We’re all imperfect people. Try to stay soft. Appreciate the fuck out of those that stay by your side in hardship and try to remain open minded and forgiving of the rest.
Ode To A Cat
I am never too much for him.
He doesn’t find my problems so big and uncomfortable
that he retreats because he doesn’t know what to say or do.
He doesn’t tell me to “get over it” or to “stay positive.”
He doesn’t pressure me to “stay strong”.
He doesn’t do any of that bullshit.
He just is.
He just loves.
He just stays.
I’m never too much for him and he just stays.